Sometimes I sit and wonder..

"Have I been the best friend that I can be to people?" and vice versa?

Somtimes I sit and wonder...."When I die, what will people remember most about me?

Will they remember how I was in the past or will they see the person I matured to be? Yes or No?"

Will they see the passion I had for Christ? 

Did they know I was a christian?

Sometimes I just wonder.  Life isnt forver (expect in Jesus of course)

...and tomorrow isnt promised. Sometimes I just wonder.

What would the past be like if I was still in it? Sometimes I wonder.

Thats when I come to into reality....that no matter how hard I try, I cant the change the past.

I can only focus my time and energy on the present and the future.

No doubt I have made many many many MANY mistakes and flat-out stupid decisions

but I cant change it Nor should I regret it.

Before I even can move on to the future or more-less forgive somebody else,

I must first start off by saying that...I forgive MYSELF.

For keep holding myself back by continuing to go in the past.

I'm not a transporter so I cant go fix something or "redo" something.

Whats done, is done. Sometimes I wish I could though.

I would go back and reconnect with old friends in high school and college.

Instead of me trying to "fit in" with the wrong crowd,

I would just be myself...not even caring if I was alone.

That was always one of my downfalls. I never wanted to be alone but I didnt think I "fit in" with the popular kids so I chose to make friends with the wrong crowd.

The wrong crowd: People who dont have an agenda and are easily distracted and influenced to do wrong things.

These people dont care about you unless it benefits them.

And for the longest, I was trying to find the difference between the right and wrong crowds

then I found myself becoming the person who I dreaded the most.

I started to become the person that I told myself I wouldnt be and never wanted to become.

Looking for love in the ALL the wrong places.

Not knowing who I was or what I was supposed to do for myself. 

Just wanted someone to come rescue me before I destroyed myself.

"Go to College. Go to College" they would say..

but major in WHAT? "Do this career, do that career" they would say

..but deep down...I didnt know WHAT to do or even which career to go in.

Truth be told, sometimes I still dont.

I just want to FINALLY know who I am and use my natural talents to be successful.

RaW_FeelingS #2 

~  Tiffany  ~